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Oral bac anglais - notion Lieux et formes de pouvoir

Bonsoir,
je passe mon oral d'anglais mardi et j'aimerais si possible que quelqu'un m'aide pour me corriger,
merci d'avance pour vos réponses.
ANGLAIS : SEATS AND FORM OF POWER – Need for independence
Intro :
We will strart by defining the notion « Seats and forms of power.
«Seats » could be important buildings or institutions that represent a certain form of power, for example the White, a symbol of the American presidency. A place can also be a country or a state, for example the USA is a state which is powerful enough to influence events in the world (superpower).
« Power » is the ability to control others, events, or resources; the ability to make things happen despite obstacles, resistance, or opposition. This of course leads to conflict between those who have power and those who don’t have.
But in this particular notion we talk about the need for independence, which it is defined by
the time has country or regional political gains freedom from outside control.
A country or state has different reasons to find or keep their independence, for example when country has wealth and it may wants to keep their wealth only for us to set it to improve their standard of living, or when a country wants to take decisions according to other countries, a state would lead freely it's own economy.
When power is misused how do people rebel against it?
So we're going to talk about the independence or no of Irland with the U.K. and Scotland with United Kingdom too help several documents.
I. Scotland
On Thursday, (the) 18 of September 2014, the Scottish people had to vote in order to say whether Scotland should be independent that is to say whether the Scots want to be seperated from the U.K., this is the referendum of Scotland. We studied the history of Scotland through a film that is called "Braveheart" where the hero of this true story is William Wallace. It's about the wars of independence in Scotland, the storys follows is W. Wallace who is a man of peace and freedom. He leads an army, an uprising to be specific here the Scots clans to a war against the English King. In the film we watched the part where W.Wallace a speech to his army to encourage them to follow him in his fight against the United Kingdom. We understand that Scotland wants to get the independence they had before that is to say to get it back the power of England, but at this referendum, the majority of votes were not so Scotland has still not recovered its independence.
II. Irland
After three centuries of colonization, Ireland is part of the United Kingdom. The road to independence will be long and bloody. It all started during the Easter Uprising, called Easter Rising. The Republican group "volontaires", which later became the IRA wants an end to British rule and establish a republic of Ireland. A guerilla between the two camps began to reach a deal in 1921.
Ireland northeastern part of the United Kingdom but the violence will resume at the end of the 60s, where the event will take place Warrington Bombing. During this war, there was Warrington attacks are a double bomb attack committed by the IRA 20 March 1993 in Warrington, England, killing two children (Johnathan Ball, 3, and Tim Parry, 12 years) and wounding 96 people. After this attack group "Cramberries" wrote a song "Zombie" in honor of these boys and to talk about the consequences of violence and terrorism of the IRA.
Zombie is a protest song it invites us to realize the severity of the facts, and asks us to put in place of the families of the victims because one day it could be happen to them.
The phenomenal energy of this song is a cry of protest against the madness of men ;
The Cranberries want sown they are against violence in Northern Ireland, it causes wrench in many families and they denounce the brainwashing of British soldiers and children who grow up in this climate.
The effects of this song on IRA about these “troubles” can’t be ignored.
Conclusion :
Taking the real stories and documents studied in class, we could illustrate the concept of places and forms of authority more precisely that of the need for independence. A country must have the right to choose whether or not he had to be independent and it should not even discuss various as it is a right. That's how I will conclude.

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SANTOS2VIZ
SEATS AND FORM OF POWER – Need for independence
Intro :
We will start by defining the notion « Seats and forms of power.
"Seats" could be important buildings or institutions that represent a certain form of power, for example the White House, a symbol of the American presidency. A place can also be a country or a state, for example the USA is a state which is powerful enough to influence events in the world (superpower).
"Power" is the ability to control others, events, or resources; the ability to make things happen despite obstacles, resistance, or opposition. This of course leads to conflict between those who have power and those who don’t have.
But in this particular notion we talk about the need for independence, which it is defined by the time a country or political region gains freedom from outside control.
A country or state has various reasons why they would want to find or keep their independence, for example when a country has wealth and it may want to keep their wealth for themselves to improve their standard of living, or when a country wants to make decisions independent of  other countries or when a state wants to freely direct it's own economy.
When power is misused do people rebel against it?
So we're going to talk about the independence, or thge lack of it in Ireland with the U.K. and Scotland with United Kingdom with the help of several documents.
I. Scotland
On Thursday, (the) 18 of September 2014, the Scottish people had to vote in order to say whether Scotland should be independent, that is to say whether the Scots want to be separated from the U.K., this is the referendum of Scotland. We studied the history of Scotland through a film that is called "Braveheart" where the hero of this true story is William Wallace. It's about the wars for independence in Scotland, the story follows W. Wallace who is a man of peace and freedom. He leads an army, an uprising to be specific where the Scots clans plan to war against the English King. In the film we watched the part where W.Wallace gave a powerful speech to his army to encourage them to follow him in his fight against the United Kingdom. We understand that Scotland wants to get the independence they had before that is to say to get it back the power from England, but at this referendum, the majority of votes were not so much for this idea and now Scotland has still not recovered its independence.
II. Ireland
After three centuries of colonization, Ireland is part of the United Kingdom. The road to independence will be long and bloody. It all started during the Easter Uprising, called Easter Rising. The Republican group "volontaires", which later became the IRA wants an end to British rule and establish a republic of Ireland. (A guerilla) between the two camps began to reach a deal in 1921 sentence not meaningful,revise it.
Ireland northeastern part of the United Kingdom but the violence will resume at the end of the 60s, where an event will take place: the Warrington Bombing. During this war, there was Warrington attacks were a double bomb attack committed by the IRA on 20 March 1993 in Warrington, England, killing two children (Johnathan Ball, 3, and Tim Parry, 12 years) and wounding 96 people. After this attack the music group "Cramberries" wrote a song "Zombie" in honor of these boys and to talk about the consequences of violence and terrorism of the IRA.
Zombie is a protest song, it invites us to realize the severity of the facts, and asks us to put ourselves in the place of the families of the victims because one day it could be us in their shoes. 
The phenomenal energy of this song is a cry of protest against the madness of men ; 
The Cranberries want to show that they are against violence in Northern Ireland as  it causes heart wrench in many families and they denounce the brainwashing of British soldiers and children who grow up in this climate.
The effects of this song on IRA about these “troubles” can’t be ignored.
Conclusion :
Taking the real stories and documents studied in class, we could illustrate the concept of places and forms of authority more precisely with that example of the need for independence. A country must have the right to choose whether or not she wants to be independent and it should not even be discussed further as it is a right. That's how I will conclude.
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