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Bonjour, pourriez-vous s'il vous plaît me corriger cette petite expression écrite


To what extent do you think social networks can improve our lives? Discuss and illustrates with example.

In spite of social networks are often criticized because they may create virtual relationships, they could be harrassment or because our private life could be disclosed, I think that they can improve our lives.

Indeed, thanks Instagram for instance we can look our idol’s live or celebrity live. Then we could get in touch with them and thus talk to them. It’s today possible thanks Twitter.
Secondly, social networks can be useful to keep in contact with friends or family who live abroad. For example, Facebook or Skype allow to speak and to see people who we see not much, without pay to phone abroad.

Then, social networks can be a means to know if somebody is alive. For example when there are assassination attempts Facebook give possibility to victims to signal that they are alive in order to reassure their relatives. Social networks can also be useful to ask for help. For instance, some people can ask for assistant to harvest some money or else to find somebody who was taken away. The request can thus go around then world and become so beneficial.

To conclude, if we use social networks intelligently it could be a boon and improve our lives.


Merci et bonne journée

Répondre :

50955540VIZ
The request can this go around the world and become so beneficial. je pence tu t'es tromé pour cette phrase tu as mis thus et then je suis pas sure mais voila j'espere je t'ai aide

NATHEAVIZ
bonjour
comme tu ne réponds pas, je vais essayer

Social networks are often criticized because they may create virtual relationships that could turn against you into harassment or our private life would be disclosed. Our privacy  could not belong to us anymore.
In spite of this, I still think they may improve our lives.
Thanks to Instagram for exemple, we can get informations about our idols day after day. We  can also get in touch with them  and talk with them.
This possible thanks to Twitter (je suis pas sûr de ce que tu veux mettre, n'étant pas adepte de ça. - que tu ne veux pas dire )= Thanks to Twitter, we also can get in touch with them and maybe talk with them ????

Next, social networks can be useful to keep in touch with friends or family living abroad.For instance, Facebook or Skype allow us to talk and see people we don't often see without paying fees or taxes when you call abroad.

Then, thanks to Facebook, we can be sure if persons are still alive when there's an attempt. The victims can let a message to their relatives to say every thing is ok.
They also are useful to ask for help and get money if someone has been taken away (je ne pense pas que tu devrais mettre ça......ça serait trop facile d'arnaquer les gens ......)

In conclusion (ou To conclude), if we know how to use social networks cleverly,it could be a boon and improve our lives 


j'espère ne pas avoir trop déformer ton texte. Attention aux Indeed, thus etc
par ex Indeed se met surtout  en fin  de phrase. Enfin je crois. Demande à ta prof  si tu peux.....au moins j'apprendrai quelque chose. Je n'ai jamais été trop sûr

bonne journée :)
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