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IBANMAROTEL75VIZ
résolu

Bonsoir,
J'ai un niveau d'Anglais moyen !
Je souhaiterais donc une relecture de mon texte ci-dessous:
- Si il y a des fautes pourriez vous faire en sorte de me les mettre en évidence
(gras ou couleur)
Je vous remercie par avance


TEXTE:

In this account, I'm going to introduce to you my invention designed in partnership with an association of handicapped people, which I think she can change the life of some peoples.

My invention is intended for people who are missing a leg or an arm. Its purpose would to give back mobility and independence at the persons concerned
There are already solutions on the market, but often this prothesis are too much expensive, too much bulky, sparsely ergonomic.

Today I propose an alternative at this, one prothesis with simple use, economic, feathery. She will be made with 100% of recycled materials and print in 3D which will reduce the cost of production. Made to measure and adaptable on request she will totally adapted to the patient and these needs. Ended the frequent visit at the prosthetist. Motorized and connect to a smartphone by an application simple and ergonomic, she will transmit at the patient all the data we need (wear, modes, battery level …)

I think she can improve the daily of handicapped people by its practicality, its low cost and its minimalist conception. She has everything for seduce.

With regard to the cost question, the price it will not exceed 1200£ (against 6000£ in average usually) because she will be designed in low cost materials, print in 3D, designed voluntarily by engineers and programmer team. The customer support held by volunteers concerned by the handicap rremain at your disposal for more information’s

Répondre :

GATAMGATAM2VIZ

In this account, I'm going to introduce to you my invention designed in partnership with an association of handicapped people, which I think can change the life of some people.

My invention is intended for people who are missing a leg or an arm. Its purpose would be to give back mobility and independence to the concerned persons.

There are already solutions on the market, but often theses prothesis are too expensive, too bulky, sparsely ergonomic.

Today I propose an alternative to this, a prothesis with a simple use, economic, feathery. It will be a hundred percents made of recycled materials and printed in 3D which will reduce the cost of production. Made to measure and adaptable on request, it will be totally adapted to the patient and his needs. Done with the usual visits at the prosthetist. Motorized and connected to a smartphone by an simple and ergonomic application, it will transmit to the patient all the data he needs (wear, modes, battery level …)

I think it can improve the daily life of handicapped people by its practicality, its low cost and its minimalist conception. It has everything to seduce.

With regard to the cost question, the price will not exceed 1200£ (while the average price is 6000£) because it will be designed in low cost materials, printed in 3D, designed voluntarily by a team of engineers and programmers . The customer support held by volunteers concerned by the handicap remains at your disposal for more informations.

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