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Terrible, and absolutely terrible at that. I once took a trip to the e.r. for what I later found out was an allergic reaction, and as I waited to be taken back and examined, a car pulled up at the curb and a man was thrown out of the door onto the ground and the car sped off. Some medical staff rushed out to get him on a stretcher, and as the took him inside, wheeling him past me, I saw him struggling to gasp for air, spitting up blood. I later ended up in a hospital bed in the same room as them. His face covered with gashes, nose and jaw broken, I watched him choke on his last breath as nurses in the overwhelmed emergency room screamed for doctors that only came too late. They tried to resesitate him but with each violent spams from the defibrillator his body fell still again, and the heart didn't start beating. I remember how terrifying it was seeing someone in that state, and how it was harder a feeling to cope with when doctors are present to give the sense of security for ones well being. My thoughts sort of went "holy sh**, is he going to die?", " hell be fine, he's surrounded by medical professionals ", and finally "all of that effort and he still couldn't make it?". I felt like witnessing the passing of a total stranger when I sat idly by made me feel helpless and useless. I kept thinking if it were someone I knew if I would feel different, or if it were my fault would I feel worse. I kept wondering if he had been able to see me at any point in his last few moments (his hospital bed was on the other side of the room facing mine). The idea that I was the last face a stranger might have ever seen bewilders me to this day. Another experience I had was at an event down town where I live. At a paint party, with thousands of people attending, there was a line that stretched two blocks to get in. The area was notorious for junkies and electronic shows and raves just amplified that portion of the population. Upon passing a parking lot waiting in line me and my friends had been looking around, people watching, and laughing at every other person we see popping pills, when I notice a group sitting against a wall passing a globe (crack pipe), and a few minutes later a syringe. I watched as less than 100 feet away, this young girl held one arm out, while a man put the needle in her and pushed the plunger. She made a strange loud moaning noise, gaining herself more attention than she already had, proceeding to collapse on the ground with the needle still in her arm. Several people approached in concern as the people initially sitting with this girl feld, caring less about their friend than they did themselves. The police arrived quickly already being on the block for the event. She didn't respond to anything the police or medics did or said. Entering the event I couldn't stop asking myself if she died, but after leaving the event there was a news story about a woman who died outside before the event and realize it was the same person I'd seen collapse. My feelings about seeing death again were much different this time, I feel pity and disgust as I thought of someone overdosing or dying from a drug reaction. The idea of risking ones life for a few hours of chemical bliss became way too big a societal norm for me to cope with. While to my knowledge no one else died there that night, I imagine several people took the same risk of using the same supply of the same drug. The idea that so many people are willing to risk discontinuing their ability to enjoy life by taking some unknown chemical concoction sickened me, and made me realize how little people truly value and appreciate the life they have, and how quickly instant gratification can blind us from more important t
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