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ORAL ANGLAIS
si quelqu'un peut m'aider à corriger ou ajouter plein de trucs je serai ravi

hello my name is Jose my surname is Semedo .I was born on thirty of January in 2000 so I'm 15 my sign is Aquarius .I was born in Lisbon on Portugal I live in ........... (ville) in a plat house with my parents and my niece .I have one brother and one sister .my brother name's Jose is 32 and my sister name is anilda she's 25 .I am patient and helpful people but I'm also lazy . I'm a positive boy who tries to smile all the time .my friends say I'm funny but I don't do it purposely .I'm polite with people I don't know .I'm friendly . I spend most of my time watching football .my favourite club is Barcelona because they are the best club in the world . I like watching YouTube videos in English to improve my English because I love English . I'd like to speak fluently English and Spanish .I would like to become a technician because I love computers .its a well paid job


Répondre :

wow mais ta redaction est parfaite il n'y a meme pas de faute vraimment je ne te ment pas c est vraiment bien rediger.
Tu dois rajouter des "connecteurs", des mots de liaison tels que :
De plus > Moreover or furthermore
Puis > Next or Then
Etc etc.
Tu trouveras une liste détaillée sur le web, et l'ajout de connecteurs permettra d'enrichir ton oral et plaira sans aucun doute à ton professeur, ta note s'en ressentira.