Bonjour, est-ce que quelqu'un peut me corriger mon expression d'anglais sil vous plait ? Merci à ceux qui prendront le temps!

Today, I have the opportunity to postulate for a prestigious establishment, your university. The university is a gateway to many people and I have the privilege to be able to expect to be in your university someday. But I am aware that this privilege requires motivation and certain skills.
Therefore, in this talk, I would like to approach two important points with you. In the first place, how I think attending an American university can contribute to my self-fulfilment ? And secondly, why I think this university should consider my application?
First of all, I would like to personally introduce myself. My name is Manon, I am eighteen years old and my school career is rather conventional. I had my bachelor's degree one year ago with class honours. Then I did one year of internship to find a domain which pleases me. Thereafter, I received your mail and this is when everything changed . I understand that maybe I could finally realize my dream, enter in a prestigious university despite of modest means.

Thus, firstly, I think sincerely that an American university can contribute to my self-fulfilment.
It's something that I always wanted to make but that I was thinking impossible. I always loved to learn, to study and give the best of myself too, so it is an important opportunity for me. Through this big university campus, I could meet a lot of people, and as I'm living enough far from the city in a small house, it could help me a lot in my personal fulfillment. Exchanges with others are essential for me and make me a very strong contribution. The university is also a place where I will feel safe for my future.
Finally, attending an American university can contribute to my self-fulfilment by forging my future and by allowing me to develop myself at the same time, to become somebody best or useful for the humanity.

Secondly, I think it's important that you understand why, from my point of view, you should consider my request.
To begin, I think that you shloud consider my resquest because I am a very polyvalent and an original pupil. Indeed, I possess different talents. I play guitar, piano and even a little flute. I am also very good at sports (swimming, tennis..) and I really have good grades. But my biggest asset is computer science. Indeed, I am very talented in this domain and even if I'm not certified, I already win several competitions front of more experimented people. I'm not very interest in the politics but the collective life within the establishment worrires me a lot. So I think that I could contribute to the harmony of the University by gathering students or by becoming delegated by pupils. I like to listen, to dialogue and to find solutions. You will have understood, I have many projects and that is why I think you should condier my application. All the ambition wich I have, gives me lots of motivations. And the motivation is an essential element to be able to succeed and to improve, at the school and personal level.
Finally, I think that you should consider my request because I will bring you lots of things and you will bring me lots of things too. By being involved, motivated, and full of ambition, I will try to give the best of myself, to completly invest me, for succeed and for not to disappoint you.

To conclude, this university would allow me to be happy and to try to contribute at the happiness of others to give the best of ourself.

Thank you for listening.