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Bonsoir, j'ai fait ma notion d'anglais pour le bac et j'aimerai si possible que vous m'aidiez a corriger mes fautes. Merci d'avance pour votre aide et n'hésitez pas à me dire si ce que j'ai écris est bien ou non.. :

I would to begin by giving a definition of “The Idea of Progress”. The idea of progress can be defined as a development, scientific or social advance which contributes to making the world a better place. Technological progress and is usually considered as having positive effects on our society however there are negative effects too like addiction. A few people decide to fight against addiction and do a digital detox. Nowadays digital detox is a current topic to say to be unplug to technology. We'll try to see if the technological advance is really good to our. My presentation is made up of three main parts. First I will speak about positive and negative aspects of electronic devices and secondly I will speak about detox camps. Finally I will finish by disadvantages of life without internet.

In the world there are many types of electronic devices, they are important in daily live. We use them to cook with a microwave, to play with video game, to work with computer and finally to have a good time with TV. Technological advances have totally changed the world today. On the one hand access to computer and phone as well as Internet allows us to meet new people, find childhood friends, share videos and pictures… It is a good way to open to the world, discover new cultures and also learn new things. But on the negative side many people have become addicted to social media and this creates new problems such as depression, isolation …Electronic devices are also dangerous for young addicts. Indeed many adolescent addicts have stopped maturing because of their addiction. Furthermore virtual relations lead to isolation and sometimes they can be bad for people who chat with unknown people because they don’t know who is behind the screen. These negative aspects lead more and more people to stop using the electronic devices like their phones and their computers.

  A few people decide to fight against addiction and leave in Detox camp. It is a place for adults who want to live off-the-grid, when they arrive in the camp people have to give-up their electronic devices. There are many types of camps like camp in a forest, specialized center or at home. The first document I have chosen is “the US summer camp offers digital detox for tech-addicted adults”. It is a camp situated in California, where you can be free and completely off-the-grid and which offers several activities like yoga, meditation, writing workshops… It is a way to meet oneself again, to profit from nature and smile, enjoy life. There are several forms for stop using technology. Indeed it can be a challenge like my 2nd document who is “I took my kids offline”. It is a mother who decides to live without technologies to find a family life with her children. During six months they will live without electronic devices and they will discover new things, share moment together, to play board games, to go for a walk… However living without internet can bring problems in everyday life.

In UK there are 11% of British adults who are digitally excluded. It causes a lot of negative consequences. For example to look for a job, they are not informed of new information and they can’t access government services. We note that Internet or even phone, computer are important in daily live if not we are excluded from society and we can’t do everything we want. My 3rd document illustrates this notion, it is “Students unplug” and he speaks about 54 students who are stop using technologies during 4 days. They have often failed because stop using electronic devices causes many negative consequences. For example for Cramer, a student doesn’t check mail is too difficult. E-mail is way to be informed what is happening in the world. He fears he might miss something important. Furthermore for Paige another student, doesn’t speak with her parents isn’t possible. We then notice that electronic devices are important in daily live.

 To sum up I would like to say on the one hand with electronic devices, we should keep in mind that like in everything, there are advantages and inconvenient. We must find stability between electronic devices and real life.

Répondre :

To begin I would like to express the notion “The Idea of Progress”. The idea of progress can be defined as a development, scientific or social advance which contributes to making the world a better place. Technological progress is usually considered as having positive effects on our society.  However, there are also negative effects such as addiction. A few people decide to fight against addiction and make a digital detoxation. Nowadays digital detox is a current

In the world there are many types of electronic devices and they are important in our daily life such as cooking with microwave ovens, playing video games, using computer workstations and finally having a good time watching TV programmes. Today the world has totally changed with technological advances. On the one hand, access to computers, cell phones as well as Internet enables us to meet new people, meet up childhood friends, share videos and pictures and so on. more explicitly, we have no other means of access to the wider world such as discovering new cultures and having a lot to learn. On the other hand, some negative aspects can appear with electronical devices; Users may be getting addicted to social media thus creating new problems such as nervous breakdown and being secluded.  The use of electronic devices may also be dangerous to young addicts. Indeed, teens’ addiction may hinder their development.  Furthermore, virtual relationships may lead to isolation and sometimes users are not careful at all and chat with stangers; but who knows who is behind the screen?  When users become aware of these negative effects, they become mor cautious and slow down using their cell phones and PCs.

 

digital detox refers to a state when an individual quits or suspends use of digital equipment and devices to utilize that time for social interactions and activities. It is a technique that enables an individual to relieve stress and anxiety incurred from being over occupied by a high utilization of digital devices.

A few people decide to fight against addiction and live in digital Detox camp. It is a place for adults who want to live off-the-grid, I like this quotation “Digital detox’ aims at helping teenagers reconnect offline”. When they come into the camp people have to put own (give up) their electronic devices. There are many types of camps like camp in a forest, specialized centre or we can do it at home. The first document I have chosen is “the US summer camp offers digital detox for tech-addicted adults”. It is a camp located in California, where you can be freed and completely off-the-grid and that offers several activities like yoga, meditation, writing workshops… It is a way of getting back to yourself, enjoying the nature, smiling and appreciating life. There are several forms for stop (to slow down???) using technology. Indeed, Digital detox can be challenging as shown in my second document entitled “I took my kids offline”. It is about a mother who decides to live without technologies to return to a family life with her children. During six months they would live without electronic devices and they would discover new things, share time together, play board games, go for a walk… However, living without internet can bring problems in everyday life.

In the UK there are 11% of British adults who are digitally excluded. It causes a lot of negative consequences. For example, looking for a job, they are not aware of new information and they can’t access to government services. We may note that Internet or even cell phones, computers are important and essential in our daily life; otherwise we can be excluded from the society and we can’t do everything we want. My 3rd document illustrates this notion, it deals with “Students unplug” and refers to about 54 students who had stopped using technologies during 4 days. They often failed because stopping using electronic devices causes many negative consequences. For example, Cramer, a student could not read his email. E-mail is one way of being informed of what is actually happening in the world. He feared he might have missed something important. Furthermore, Paige another student, could not speak with her parents, it isn’t possible for her. We then noticed how electronic devices can be that important and essential in daily life.

To sum up I would like to outline that using electronic devices does not mean to overusing it, we should keep in mind that as with everything else, there are advantages and inconvenient in the notion of progress. We must find stability between electronic devices and real life.

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